I have long stayed out of the social media limelight, still commenting, and following up with friends, occasionally posting my Monday floral arrangements for work, pictures of my husband and dog. All to avoid my shame and embarrassment. Though no one, except my grandmother would say anything about my weight, but I have felt the judging eyes, so I have hidden myself from the world.
18 months ago, I lost around twenty pounds, and was feeling great. Last March I posted about fitting into a size I had not been in a while. Happy, healthy, and again feeling great. I started interviewing, my husband continued interviewing, he graduated, we got jobs. We moved from an expensive city in Northern California, to a more expensive city in more Northern California.
My job started well, but quickly moved into the realm of uncomfortable, with a lazy and emotional abusive boss who did the minimum work possible to stay under the radar from his boss. (I don’t think he appreciated being called out). And still I worked hard to keep things afloat.
My health waned. Productivity for non-work-related projects crashed to a standstill. The depression monster terrorized. Additionally, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety approached apathetically from all aspects of my life; Causing constant eruptions in the form lashing out at the small and stupid inconsequential day to day nothings.
I felt like Vladimir waiting and waiting for things to change and yet there was “Nothing to be done.” I took all my anger out on my poor husband, who seemed to be working more hours in a day than the day offered. I dare say a contraband “time turner” may have been in play for several weeks towards the end of 2018. The year came and went. I made large 2019 goals and dreams, but those stood silent for many months.
Finally, after a six-month sentence, and nine months total at my job, heavier than I had ever been, relief came. My new job was a heaven send. I love the work, I love my coworkers, I love the weekly fresh flowers, I love how hard everyone works, I love how productive my days have become.
**SIDE NOTE! It seems like the moment a person mentions weight loss, MLMs and health professionals come like wolves to the fields of lambs. At this time I simply want to lose and keep off the weight naturally. Please do not push your products or try to diagnose me [UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY WORK IN A HEALTH CARE PROFESSION] I’m more than happy to have a conversation about what you bring to the table, but probably do not want to purchase weightloss products. Yes, I have tried many of them. No, they have not worked for me. No, I do not want to spend loads of money on a product that “might” work. No there is nothing wrong with my thyroid. Yes, I eat healthy, mostly. No, I don’t want to 100% give up sugar (I should, but I like it). Yes, my cycle is regular. No, I do not exercise as regularly as I should. **
Though I still have all the weight I gained from my last stressful environment, I am in a much place emotionally, mentally and back to supporting and encouraging rather than degrading and criticizing my love and have large goals to achieve moving forward. Rather than a New Year’s goal this is a new year long goal to move back to a healthy weight and positive lifestyle.
SIDE NOTE TWO: When did society decide fat was out and thin was in. According to the internets until the late 1800’s extra weight was a sign of wealth and prestige, now thin, fit and beautiful is a sign of the very rich and classy. Either way I too would love to be abundantly wealthy, healthy, and happy. I can at least do one of those successfully this year. **
Are you at your ideal weight? or like me do you have a ways to go? How far? 10, 20, 50, 100 lbs?
This past week my husband and I set a goal to lose a good amount of weight that together equals around the total weight of my sister Emily, so for the next twelve months we plan to lose Emily!
No more hiding!
Hide (v.) – put or keep out of sight; conceal from the view or notice of others. Syn. conceal, camouflage.
Lose (v) get rid of (an undesirable person or thing); be deprived of or cease to retain (something)